Holiday Snaps By M.M.Wake
Angela and Ken were a smug couple. Friends, well, so called friends nick named them Ken and Barbie, so perfect were the couple and so perfect were their lives.Ken ran his own business and made enough money for them to live a very comfortable lifestyle. He had worked himself up from used car salesman to being a dealer of luxury cars, the humble roots now hardly ever referred to. He wore handmade suits and a wry smile, charm oozing from his permatan skin, topped up with the many holidays they took each year.
Angela worked in an office in charge of several workers. Although the same age as many of the girls, Angela stood aloof from her team and treated her subordinates as just that, an unruly mob to keep under strict supervision. As a result she was both feared and disliked amongst those she managed, to those above she proved to be sycophantic and gracious. She styled herself on Lady Di, her lifestyle icon, and had been inconsolable when she had been killed. Indeed she had been in mourning for several months. Angela dressed of a woman in her 50's rather than a woman in her 20's, wearing high necked blouses with a large brooch at the throat, pearls and tailored suits. Her hair was highlighted and cut short, not too short, a slight bouffant held to precision by various lacquers.
Fully made up and dressed, even at weekends, Angela never had a hair out of place.
One couldn't imagine she ever reduced herself to the baser urges, but mindful of her matrimonial duties she had managed to produce one son, a perfect golden headed child called Harry, who would grow into a perfect young man, an all rounder, excelling in both sports and academia and life itself.
So perfect were their lives that you would think them a rather boring subject to write about, but one incident that was told to me by Angela herself causes me to smile every time I think about it, although it happened several decades ago. There is after all a universal justice!
The story takes place on one of the many holidays they took throughout the year. The holidays were always luxurious; Hawaii, the Cayman Islands, St Kitts, Monaco, but this particular tale took place in America. The trip was part holiday, part business venture. Ken was entertaining clients and the first part of the trip took place in Los Angeles. It was summertime and the heat was blistering. Wanting to keep up appearances Angela had commissioned a 5 piece suit in navy wool, trousers, skirt, dress, waistcoat and jacket. During one event she stood outside in 35 degrees wearing the full combination of skirt, blouse, waistcoat and jacket; standards had to be maintained at all times The rest of the ladies in the group wore strappy tops, shorts and light dresses. Whilst Angela sneered at their informal dress, the rest, who had formed strong friendships over their days together, laughed behind her back and rejoiced in her obvious discomfort. Angela had not made any friends on the trip; most of the other women despised her airs and graces and only spoke to her when necessary.
The second week the group were to fly to Hawaii to spend a week as a holiday. The resort was exclusive and each couple were allocated a beach side residence with sea view. Angela and Ken were the only couple to upgrade to their own private plunge pool with butler.
Even on holiday Angela could not relax. She would not wear a bikini, but carefully chose designer slacks and a polo shirt. Whilst Ken showed off his manly prowess, beating all the other men at water sports, Angela read a carefully chosen novel. She had only read a few pages, it wasn't really interesting but she had been told that this was THE author to follow. Knowing she had the cultural high hand was enough and she watched the other women strolling together, taking coffee and sunbathing without envy.
One day, taking pity on Angela, the other women asked if she would like to join them, they were going on a shopping expedition. For once Angela agreed, accepting the invitation as graciously as a Queen accepting gifts from a commoner.
The girls set off using the shuttle bus from the hotel to take them into town. Angela was the last to get on the bus, choosing a seat by herself. The other girls chatting away excitedly at the prospect of spending some money, Angela listened but kept out of the conversation. Anne, a rather loud and brash girl, the exact opposite of Angela both in looks and temperament, shouted across asking what she would be buying. The girls were after cheap replicas of designer gear from the local shops. Angela smiled, and cleared her throat. There was, she said, no true bargains, there was the cheap and the tatty and then there was the expensive, designer and well made. She herself would not be seen dead in anything fake. She would be heading for the exclusive shopping area and checking out the designer boutiques.
Anne rolled her eyes and for once kept quiet. Arriving, the girls went one way to the local cheap shops, laughing and enjoying themselves, whilst Angela, erect in her dignity, set off for the designer quarter alone.
The girls were soon bitching about the high and mighty Angela. “She walks like she’s got a poker shoved up her arse”, Anne had politely observed. “We need to wipe that smug smile off her face, and as for that husband of hers, he thinks he’s is God’s gift, prancing about in his Speedo’s, the budgie smuggler supremo”
The opportunity to wipe the smugness from both Angela and Kens face arrived that very evening.
A group meal had been organised but at the last minute Ken and Angela had decided to have a quiet, intimate dinner cooked by their own personal chef on a small uninhabited island not far from the resort.
As soon as the couple had set off in their private boat to their private dining experience, the girls started plotting, discussing what they might do. One mousey girl, who had been given a lecture on the art of makeup by the perfect Angela suggested breaking into their lodge and putting some of the local lizards into their beds. It was a popular suggestion!
Another, Rita, still smarting from an Angela put down, (on a night out Angela had stated she had always liked the dress Rita was wearing , she herself had a similar one several years ago but had given hers to a charity shop), suggested that they break in cut up her clothing. This proposal received a rousing cheer from the group of girls.
But it was Anne, the loud and raucous Anne who had the best idea.
The girls strolled over to the lodge belonging to the two. So exclusive was the resort that internal security was not even thought of as necessary. The door was fastened with a simple catch and the girls were soon inside.
Early morning the next day the group were having breakfast when Ken and Angela rushed over to join them. Someone had broken into their lodge the previous night, nothing appeared to have been taken, however the rooms, which were normally immaculate were left a little untidy. Everyone looked up in surprised innocence, the girls glancing at each other. No-one else had noticed anything; no-one else had been burgled. Ken and Angela reported the incident to the local security and for the inconvenience they were offered a free champagne dinner at an exclusive restaurant.
The matter was soon forgotten, nothing had been stolen and it looked like the golden couple had landed on their feet yet again.
The girls kept quiet, a collective secret kept them smiling throughout the rest of the holiday and immune to the haughty Angela.
A week later they were back at home. Angela and Ken were glowing with health, their topped up tans shown to advantage in clean crisp white shirts and blouses.
On the first Wednesday back, after a rather splendid dinner and a fine bottle of wine, the couple settled back to look through the holiday photographs Ken had picked up earlier from the prompt service at the local chemist. Ah, for those halcyon pre digital days.
Smiling the whitest of expensive smiles they flicked through the snaps, there they were raising champagne glasses with a sunset backdrop, Ken in trunks looking handsome and tanned, Angela reposing in perfect recline on a sun lounger reading.
The next few photos were a bit of a blur, badly shot photos, dark and out of focus, they both peered, thinking somehow they had received someone else’s poor efforts, when Ken noticed one looked like the inside of their lodge, yes definitely it was their holiday lodge.
The smiles fell suddenly into dispair. The next picture was clear; two huge bare bottoms bent over, quite in focus, and clearly inserted into each of the offending parts were two toothbrushes, handles sticking into the air.
I believe Angela fainted.
Copyright M.M. Wake 2011
Download free for ipad, kindle, iphone etc @ http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/21670/holiday-snaps
Angela worked in an office in charge of several workers. Although the same age as many of the girls, Angela stood aloof from her team and treated her subordinates as just that, an unruly mob to keep under strict supervision. As a result she was both feared and disliked amongst those she managed, to those above she proved to be sycophantic and gracious. She styled herself on Lady Di, her lifestyle icon, and had been inconsolable when she had been killed. Indeed she had been in mourning for several months. Angela dressed of a woman in her 50's rather than a woman in her 20's, wearing high necked blouses with a large brooch at the throat, pearls and tailored suits. Her hair was highlighted and cut short, not too short, a slight bouffant held to precision by various lacquers.
Fully made up and dressed, even at weekends, Angela never had a hair out of place.
One couldn't imagine she ever reduced herself to the baser urges, but mindful of her matrimonial duties she had managed to produce one son, a perfect golden headed child called Harry, who would grow into a perfect young man, an all rounder, excelling in both sports and academia and life itself.
So perfect were their lives that you would think them a rather boring subject to write about, but one incident that was told to me by Angela herself causes me to smile every time I think about it, although it happened several decades ago. There is after all a universal justice!
The story takes place on one of the many holidays they took throughout the year. The holidays were always luxurious; Hawaii, the Cayman Islands, St Kitts, Monaco, but this particular tale took place in America. The trip was part holiday, part business venture. Ken was entertaining clients and the first part of the trip took place in Los Angeles. It was summertime and the heat was blistering. Wanting to keep up appearances Angela had commissioned a 5 piece suit in navy wool, trousers, skirt, dress, waistcoat and jacket. During one event she stood outside in 35 degrees wearing the full combination of skirt, blouse, waistcoat and jacket; standards had to be maintained at all times The rest of the ladies in the group wore strappy tops, shorts and light dresses. Whilst Angela sneered at their informal dress, the rest, who had formed strong friendships over their days together, laughed behind her back and rejoiced in her obvious discomfort. Angela had not made any friends on the trip; most of the other women despised her airs and graces and only spoke to her when necessary.
The second week the group were to fly to Hawaii to spend a week as a holiday. The resort was exclusive and each couple were allocated a beach side residence with sea view. Angela and Ken were the only couple to upgrade to their own private plunge pool with butler.
Even on holiday Angela could not relax. She would not wear a bikini, but carefully chose designer slacks and a polo shirt. Whilst Ken showed off his manly prowess, beating all the other men at water sports, Angela read a carefully chosen novel. She had only read a few pages, it wasn't really interesting but she had been told that this was THE author to follow. Knowing she had the cultural high hand was enough and she watched the other women strolling together, taking coffee and sunbathing without envy.
One day, taking pity on Angela, the other women asked if she would like to join them, they were going on a shopping expedition. For once Angela agreed, accepting the invitation as graciously as a Queen accepting gifts from a commoner.
The girls set off using the shuttle bus from the hotel to take them into town. Angela was the last to get on the bus, choosing a seat by herself. The other girls chatting away excitedly at the prospect of spending some money, Angela listened but kept out of the conversation. Anne, a rather loud and brash girl, the exact opposite of Angela both in looks and temperament, shouted across asking what she would be buying. The girls were after cheap replicas of designer gear from the local shops. Angela smiled, and cleared her throat. There was, she said, no true bargains, there was the cheap and the tatty and then there was the expensive, designer and well made. She herself would not be seen dead in anything fake. She would be heading for the exclusive shopping area and checking out the designer boutiques.
Anne rolled her eyes and for once kept quiet. Arriving, the girls went one way to the local cheap shops, laughing and enjoying themselves, whilst Angela, erect in her dignity, set off for the designer quarter alone.
The girls were soon bitching about the high and mighty Angela. “She walks like she’s got a poker shoved up her arse”, Anne had politely observed. “We need to wipe that smug smile off her face, and as for that husband of hers, he thinks he’s is God’s gift, prancing about in his Speedo’s, the budgie smuggler supremo”
The opportunity to wipe the smugness from both Angela and Kens face arrived that very evening.
A group meal had been organised but at the last minute Ken and Angela had decided to have a quiet, intimate dinner cooked by their own personal chef on a small uninhabited island not far from the resort.
As soon as the couple had set off in their private boat to their private dining experience, the girls started plotting, discussing what they might do. One mousey girl, who had been given a lecture on the art of makeup by the perfect Angela suggested breaking into their lodge and putting some of the local lizards into their beds. It was a popular suggestion!
Another, Rita, still smarting from an Angela put down, (on a night out Angela had stated she had always liked the dress Rita was wearing , she herself had a similar one several years ago but had given hers to a charity shop), suggested that they break in cut up her clothing. This proposal received a rousing cheer from the group of girls.
But it was Anne, the loud and raucous Anne who had the best idea.
The girls strolled over to the lodge belonging to the two. So exclusive was the resort that internal security was not even thought of as necessary. The door was fastened with a simple catch and the girls were soon inside.
Early morning the next day the group were having breakfast when Ken and Angela rushed over to join them. Someone had broken into their lodge the previous night, nothing appeared to have been taken, however the rooms, which were normally immaculate were left a little untidy. Everyone looked up in surprised innocence, the girls glancing at each other. No-one else had noticed anything; no-one else had been burgled. Ken and Angela reported the incident to the local security and for the inconvenience they were offered a free champagne dinner at an exclusive restaurant.
The matter was soon forgotten, nothing had been stolen and it looked like the golden couple had landed on their feet yet again.
The girls kept quiet, a collective secret kept them smiling throughout the rest of the holiday and immune to the haughty Angela.
A week later they were back at home. Angela and Ken were glowing with health, their topped up tans shown to advantage in clean crisp white shirts and blouses.
On the first Wednesday back, after a rather splendid dinner and a fine bottle of wine, the couple settled back to look through the holiday photographs Ken had picked up earlier from the prompt service at the local chemist. Ah, for those halcyon pre digital days.
Smiling the whitest of expensive smiles they flicked through the snaps, there they were raising champagne glasses with a sunset backdrop, Ken in trunks looking handsome and tanned, Angela reposing in perfect recline on a sun lounger reading.
The next few photos were a bit of a blur, badly shot photos, dark and out of focus, they both peered, thinking somehow they had received someone else’s poor efforts, when Ken noticed one looked like the inside of their lodge, yes definitely it was their holiday lodge.
The smiles fell suddenly into dispair. The next picture was clear; two huge bare bottoms bent over, quite in focus, and clearly inserted into each of the offending parts were two toothbrushes, handles sticking into the air.
I believe Angela fainted.
Copyright M.M. Wake 2011
Download free for ipad, kindle, iphone etc @ http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/21670/holiday-snaps