Go To Hell By John Ritchie
If you ask the average man in the street where Hell is he might say Norfolk. There is a place there called Diss, which is an old word for Hell. Or he might say it’s a hotel in Trondheim or a town in Michigan, both of which are true, but most likely he’ll just point at the ground and depending on his age ask you for a fix so he can get where your head is at or suggest you have counselling. Then again he might justtell you to piss off.
Actually, most of them said that: some jovially and some more menacingly. In the end I did, and went straight to Hell.
The fact is Hell is a lot closer than most people imagine. Right by your elbow in fact. Either elbow, it doesn’t matter. But, and it is by
no means an insignificant but, to get there you have to want to go. I mean, really want to go, and you need to have an understanding of multi-dimensional geometry. Because basically, you either have to get a person-sized Tridekahedron and a medium-sized Black Hole, you can’t realistically get the energy or the acceleration any other way, or learn the knack of side-stepping time.
Actually, side-stepping time isn’t that difficult once you learn how to do it, but learning how to do it is a bit tricky.
For one thing you have to find someone who already knows how, or stumble on the technique by accident. As far as I know, I am the only person who knows how to do it. Guess how I learned? But, it must be said, going is one thing, getting back is another. Which is perhaps why I haven’t met anyone else who does it. They’ve either gone and not got back, or they are somewhere in my past or my future. Then again, they may have buggered it up completely and missed the Earth. You see side-stepping time involves side-slipping space as well. They are just different aspects of the same thing after all: Einstein proved that.
Anyway, here’s the how. Imagine you are a one person Conga line projecting infinitely into the past and future. Millions of you existing simultaneously in every possible moment and therefore every possible place. Then just kick out to one side, drop the other shoulder as if you are going to spin round on the spot, and there you are. Oh yes, most important. You have to know exactly where you want
to go before you start, because as you transit, the infinite number of ‘you’s collapses into the one ‘you’ that is at the precise point in
time and space where you want to be. Let your concentration slip or change your mind at the critical moment and its ‘Good night, Vienna’.
At least, I imagine it is. I am not about to experiment to find out.
But when you think about it I am sure you will see, that if you are collapsing an infinite number of copies of yourself, changing your
focus is either going to result in multiple transitions at varying times of different bits of you, or the most bloody awful pile-up as
the copies all collide rather than cohere. Either way you probably ain’t going to live to tell the tale.
So, how does it work?
Well, if all times exist simultaneously, then so must all space and all dimensions of space. Time, after all is merely
a dimension of space, as mentioned earlier. Side-stepping time is therefore just a form of pan-dimensional travel. You simply drop outof multi-dimensional space into two dimensional space where things are a good deal simpler, transit the two dimensional plane and pop out again wherever and whenever you want to be. Hell, like Heaven, or the other side of the Universe are all readily accessible in this way.
I know. I’ve been and seen.
So the obvious question. Why Hell?
Well I have been told to go there often enough, and so I though why not. Let’s see what it is really like it. Well, frankly, it’s not a lot
different to here. Forget, Keanu Reeves and ‘Constantine’, it simply isn’t that interesting. In fact the overwhelming impression is one
of slowly congealing disappointment. But, you do get to meet some remarkable people. For example, I am having dinner this
evening with Lucrezia Borgia and Agrippina, two of history’s most notorious poisoners.
I can see the table over there with the rest of the guests gathered round. The others look a bit peculiar because they are all
mummified. Look, don’t ask me, I am just popping in for a chat and er… well, I don’t think I will actually eat anything, you can’t be too careful, can you.
Ah, here are the ladies now.
They have just dropped in, literally. The curious thing is, that by all accounts, I appear just as insubstantial to them as they do to me.
Probably just as well, otherwise I would have a ghost of a chance.
Copyright John Ritchie 2011
http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/23589/go-to-hell to download free to iPhone / Kindle etc
Actually, most of them said that: some jovially and some more menacingly. In the end I did, and went straight to Hell.
The fact is Hell is a lot closer than most people imagine. Right by your elbow in fact. Either elbow, it doesn’t matter. But, and it is by
no means an insignificant but, to get there you have to want to go. I mean, really want to go, and you need to have an understanding of multi-dimensional geometry. Because basically, you either have to get a person-sized Tridekahedron and a medium-sized Black Hole, you can’t realistically get the energy or the acceleration any other way, or learn the knack of side-stepping time.
Actually, side-stepping time isn’t that difficult once you learn how to do it, but learning how to do it is a bit tricky.
For one thing you have to find someone who already knows how, or stumble on the technique by accident. As far as I know, I am the only person who knows how to do it. Guess how I learned? But, it must be said, going is one thing, getting back is another. Which is perhaps why I haven’t met anyone else who does it. They’ve either gone and not got back, or they are somewhere in my past or my future. Then again, they may have buggered it up completely and missed the Earth. You see side-stepping time involves side-slipping space as well. They are just different aspects of the same thing after all: Einstein proved that.
Anyway, here’s the how. Imagine you are a one person Conga line projecting infinitely into the past and future. Millions of you existing simultaneously in every possible moment and therefore every possible place. Then just kick out to one side, drop the other shoulder as if you are going to spin round on the spot, and there you are. Oh yes, most important. You have to know exactly where you want
to go before you start, because as you transit, the infinite number of ‘you’s collapses into the one ‘you’ that is at the precise point in
time and space where you want to be. Let your concentration slip or change your mind at the critical moment and its ‘Good night, Vienna’.
At least, I imagine it is. I am not about to experiment to find out.
But when you think about it I am sure you will see, that if you are collapsing an infinite number of copies of yourself, changing your
focus is either going to result in multiple transitions at varying times of different bits of you, or the most bloody awful pile-up as
the copies all collide rather than cohere. Either way you probably ain’t going to live to tell the tale.
So, how does it work?
Well, if all times exist simultaneously, then so must all space and all dimensions of space. Time, after all is merely
a dimension of space, as mentioned earlier. Side-stepping time is therefore just a form of pan-dimensional travel. You simply drop outof multi-dimensional space into two dimensional space where things are a good deal simpler, transit the two dimensional plane and pop out again wherever and whenever you want to be. Hell, like Heaven, or the other side of the Universe are all readily accessible in this way.
I know. I’ve been and seen.
So the obvious question. Why Hell?
Well I have been told to go there often enough, and so I though why not. Let’s see what it is really like it. Well, frankly, it’s not a lot
different to here. Forget, Keanu Reeves and ‘Constantine’, it simply isn’t that interesting. In fact the overwhelming impression is one
of slowly congealing disappointment. But, you do get to meet some remarkable people. For example, I am having dinner this
evening with Lucrezia Borgia and Agrippina, two of history’s most notorious poisoners.
I can see the table over there with the rest of the guests gathered round. The others look a bit peculiar because they are all
mummified. Look, don’t ask me, I am just popping in for a chat and er… well, I don’t think I will actually eat anything, you can’t be too careful, can you.
Ah, here are the ladies now.
They have just dropped in, literally. The curious thing is, that by all accounts, I appear just as insubstantial to them as they do to me.
Probably just as well, otherwise I would have a ghost of a chance.
Copyright John Ritchie 2011
http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/23589/go-to-hell to download free to iPhone / Kindle etc